Mesmerized by consistency am I as of late.
It just creates a foundation for us to thrive on because everything is solved and worked out for the stability of our own schedules. As much as I crave the malevolent structure of chaos and it’s only source of entertainment is to chase us from fear to courage - it’s just strange that at the same moment, I also find myself planting my soles into the ground. Then, it becomes easier to face everything else with the experience(s) tucked under my belt.
Not sure if anyone else can relate to this strategic manoeuvre but let’s put it into perspective with an analogy. Shall we?
On a personal level, I usually fail at conditioning, toning, and maintaining relationships - of any kind with the exclusion of my immediate family. I agree… I can have rough edges or an intimidating personality because I don’t always articulate myself the way society believes is “normal”. Doesn’t everyone deserve a “grace period” that allows room for judgement? I mean, in the end, someone has to make the call; to see for themselves; to be completely devoured in each encounter but still come out the other end, still breathing.
In hindsight, I think it is important to note, with that in mind, that I figured a way to strip away the bullshit and revamp the visions of any “perfect relationship”. For instance, growing up: I fathomed about meeting Prince Charming or, better yet, Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon. Evidently, these were just mirror imagery that shielded children from their dysfunctional and/or broken family. Cartoons were created with the premise of sodomizing our minds with irrationality, conjuring different forms of fictional fantasy or inhumane fetishes.
But behind every great fairy tale, there lies an inevitable truth: we are always searching for something to be sure about… in ourselves or in others. The creation of this ideology is based on a whole lot of sensory imagery from the human mind. We are technically simple creatures, only with passing time has technology, wealth, and crave for power changed our view and the findings of tomorrow. I mean, yes, money can change a whole lot but that’s just a numeric factoid that goes parallel to happiness but is not happiness. That goes the same for want/need of power and the empire of technology.
I can just as well extend this theory into the people I called “friends”. At this point, longevity of the relationship or the “bond” is no longer is a factor towards continuation/extension. I have grown weary of being treated with insincere manners and only called out for social events when no one else is available. Fair? I think not. Anyway, I rather not categorize or coax these beings with negativity but to illustrate types of friendships. Many can probably relate to my judgement towards people that lack a certain kindness in their nature. Those whom only think for the beneficiary of themselves - which, to me, is a toss and turn between good or bad. Although, not all good is good or vice versa, depends on the motive that is set in mind towards the path. Without the articulation of our mind, we are left to be a potato on a silver platter - only trying to feel what’s left to define ourselves.
For as long as the mind strives on communication, it will allow ourselves to obtain a peace of mind. Not only will we able to address the issues at hand but also encourage others, and express individuality. So, without it, we are endlessly searching for outings that may aid the escape from our minds. I can almost fully guarantee that it will difficult because at the end of the day, you might be devoured and just before you realize it, your mind is inhaling all kinds of toxic materials. Thus, the undeniable possibility of a continuous loophole of indecisive circumstances that might just eat you up alive.
Regardless of how hard you try to extrapolate the theory and apprise yourself to believe that there is no consistency - if you look again, within chaos, there is always structure in spite of everything surrounding your mind, body, and soul. It is so strange when I realize I have lost complete control. And soon, nothing will ever be “homeostasis” again; not in relationship, in decisions, nor in events of that happen day-to-day.
Everyday, I put faith in myself to trust — not just myself, but in others I encounter as well. It allows my mindset to have the power to spark a conversation that may either break or make the continuation of reality. As surreal or as lucid as a situation can be, I always try confrontation but is not my strongest prowess. And that becomes a communication barrier. So, in the long-run, the simplicity of the whole communication process is just not quite as simple as it really seems.
The adapted patterns of chaos have crystallized my understanding of structure, schedule, and stability. To explain this, I think it’s safe to say that since our brains already tell us repeatedly what we already know - to solve and pretend that life’s mysteries are multiple jigsaw puzzles or a strategic game of chess.
So, no matter how much experience we accumulate over time by solving, there will always be room for growth. The first chance at anything or with anyone will always be a new experience regardless of how many times you had encountered the situation. However, when you try a new method and it leads to succession… That’s an experience worth documenting for future references.
I mean, I don’t mind making mistakes because there are no mistakes - only lessons to be learned.